Sacrifice of the Feline

• January 18th, 2007
• Pictures
• 16 Comments ;

Once a year, on the first harvest moon of January, a tribunal of fun loving Canadians get together to sacrifice a cat by spearing. The ring leaders of this group go by the names Daav and Jogre, and pride themselves on their ability to select a sacrificial feline of the utmost quality.

Why do they perform this sacred ritual? Says Daav, “My Grandfather, Mosha, worked as a Canadian beet farmer. He believed that spilling the blood of a feline amongst the beet crop would bring plentiful rain in the evening, and nurturing sun during the day. Today, many Canadians still perform the traditional cat slaughter, as they feel it brings them luck and prosperity throughout the year”. Adds Jogre, “My grandfather, Efraim, handed me down a Gnu spear that has been in my family for 200 years. The tip of this spear, while originally used to hunt gnu, is perfect for our annual cat spearing”.

Seems logical enough.

Indeed, Daav and Jogre picked a lovely specimen.

Little fellow has no idea what is about to happen.

The Whynatte is the cat spearer’s drink of choice.

Says Jogre, “The tribunal votes on whom will have the honor of throwing the first spear. This year, we decided that whoever was able to finish their Whynatte first, would be bestowed the honors. Ralph, pictured on the far right, took home this year’s prize”.

Ralph, already done with his Whynatte, daydreaming about the sacrifice that is about to take place.”

Post-spearing, Jogre and Daav interlock Whynattes, and toast one another to a successful spearing, and prosperous year.