Case Closed

February 5th, 2007
Pictures
15 Comments ;

It was a rainy Tuesday night, and the wind was cutting sharper than a spotted hyena’s incisor tooth.

I’d spent the last week running around, trying to find a set of diamonds that were stolen from the Vandershecky House. It had been a non-stop ride of intrigue, danger and lies.

My dogs were barking and I needed to wind down for the evening. I sat in my uncomfortable chair, thinking about the various goings on of the last little while: The broken window. The questionable alibi of the tall man with buck tooth. A torn shawl, with the faint inscription, “1887: The Year of the Unicorn”.

My wife lay sleeping in the next room of our small downtown apartment, yet she was awakened by the sound of my thoughts.

“You need to relax,” she said, her big, blue eyes imploring me to let the tension go. “Bruce, your mind is spinning like a dreidel. Talk to me”.

“Darlin’,” I replied, “I’m glad I have you out of all the people in this wide, wide world. I’m lucky to have found the only person that doesn’t lie. So much betrayal. So many webs of deceit and ill-will. So much bad dancing byï¿½adults with moustaches.ï¿½ It’s enough to drive a man crazy”.

She walked up to me, kissing me softly on the forehead, “I’ll leave you alone with your thoughts. I know howï¿½badly you need to deal with these things. You’ve always been a thinker, and I love you for it. Come to bed when you’ve let it all go.”

“She placed a familiar green bottle on the table, as well as a latte that she’d bought for me on the way home from her day. Two shot glasses were also laid out in front of me on the table. “I figure you’d need a double” she smiled, disappearing into the bedroom.

Always thinking, that wife of mine.ï¿½ The cup fell from my hand, and itï¿½came to me.ï¿½ All along, it had been the man with the glass eye.ï¿½

Jogre 02.05.07

That was so much fun to do.

I just realized, though, that as a Detective, I would draw a lot of attention to myself.

I mean seriously…

My hat is FUCKING BACKWARDS!

Dadford 02.07.07

I love the final pic. I’m not sure anyone ends up looking that way, though, after a whynatte.

Jacob 02.08.07

All along it was his wife!!! It was a poison Whynatte!!! No detective story is complete without a final betrayal by the woman he most trusts!!!!!!!

Jogre 02.08.07

That explains all those bottles of arsenic under the sink.

Jogre 02.08.07

Dadford – You would look that way too if you were poisoned.

jesse 02.08.07

I must say, Jacob, you should have been the one to craft this tale of betrayal. Your alternate ending, where he is served a poisonous Whynatte is something straight out of Law and Order.

The next time I invent a cocktail, start a website dedicated to it, and have someone send me black and white photos of themselves drinking said cocktail, I’m definitely going to have you do the write up for it.

Jogre 02.08.07

Pfft.

That’s like…

Every other day.

You need to focus on making people feel more special.

Jerk.

Jacob 02.08.07

Come on, all I’m saying is: if the story that the photos tell , as well as every convention of the genre you appropriately choose to mock-employ in your description of said photos, points to the motherfucker being poisoned, then the motherfucker was poisoned. Sorry to call you a motherfucker, Jogre. But every good detective/noir story involves incest (Chandler, MacDonald et al).

jesse 02.08.07

Jacob, for a guy that learned to read only 3 years ago, you sure have done a fine job of mastering the English language.

Jogre 02.08.07

Either that or Jacob really enjoys being a detective.