It would be best to get the baboons to write the site for you.

Do I have to think of everything?

Jesse,
Do you have the tracking # for my baboon shipment? I requested overnight shipping but it’s still not here.

Kate —

They’ve probably suffocated by now.

If only I could teach baboons how to brew a god forsaken latte. I would just sit around my house, and watch the whole fucking clutch of them brew my neighborhood lattes. All the while, I would be keeping my eye on the meatiest of the lot, always calculating the proper time to put that bitch on a spit roast over the kenmore grill on my back deck.

Kate, I’ll email you that tracking number. I sent it via ark. It normally takes about 40 days. And 40 nights.

It’s awkward when it takes 40 days and 20 nights.