Have you ever laid in bed, naked, the sheets sticking to you like syran wrap, wondering what the grand purpose of this whole life is? Thinking to yourself, “here I am, in the middle of this vast galaxy, surrounded by latte, and I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with myself.” All you want is direction, a path, and a noble cause.

Fret no more. Long story short, we’re starting a cult.

In summary:

You don’t have to worry about what you do with your life anymore; Whynatte will tell you.

You don’t have to worry about what to wear; Whynatte will dress you.

You don’t have to worry about what to drink; Whynatte will hydrate you.

You don’t even have to worry about what to think; Whynatte will control your thoughts.

Picture summer camp, without the cabins, with many more hallucinogens, and with strident latte overlords instead of camp counselors.

We haven’t quite worked out all of the details yet, but the applications have already started piling up. Here check these photos out, as they’re of a few of our first cult members:

The one in the middle, she’s not wearing her Whynatte uniform. Note to self: Administer seventen lashes to spine.

The one on the right, he’s drinking too slowly. Note to self: He will sleep outside, in the yard, with the copperhead snakes.

Their form could use a little work, if they plan to be good cult members. Nothing a few good lashes won’t cure.