When you were kids, how many of you used to throw whole flounders at passing cars? We used to hide in the bushes at night, and sling those flat fish at cars as they came around the bend. And then, like all good activities, flounder prices skyrocketed, and we grew out of our delinquency. Those were the days of innocence – kids these days have moved on from idiotic juvenile pranks to full scale underground Whynatte drinking.

Maybe you haven’t heard about how underaged American kids are going over to Canada to drink Whynattes? It’s Tuesday night, do you know where your child is? If not, there’s a good chance that they’re in an underground Whynatte bar in Vancouver, jacked up like Richard Pryor, spending your hard earned money on round after round of Whynatte.

First it starts with a little experimentation with a Whynatte, which turns into Whynatte’s every weekend. Then it’s a Whynatte every night, just to “take the edge off”. Before you know it, your loved one is drinking Whynatte’s alone, and lying about the espresso beans that you found under her mattress. Grades start to fall, she starts stealing, and before you know it she’s smoking peyote with Native Americans in a teepee outside of Tuscon.

A couple of hot Canadian broads and a Whynatte. Sure beats studying for that American History exam:

“Dude, Mike, you don’t even need that chin-strap beard to look older in Canada. The legal Whynatte drinking age is 19!”

The world wasn’t like this when I was growing up. When it came to Whynatte drinking, well that was an activity best left to adults.