Okay, so it’s always admirable when people decide that they want to make Whynattes at home. Let’s just get that out of the way.

But, much like I wouldn’t try to enrich Uranium with the homemade centrifuge in my basement, I wouldn’t advise the novice to attempt making a Whynatte without having the proper equipment. Making a Whynatte is a tricky business even with high grade components, so you can only imagine how difficult it is to do if you’re dealing with rusted out machinery from the Colonial era. Which is not meant to be a knock on the preparer, but more so a general observation about the Colonial era.

We have done a number of various focus groups, and consistent feedback indicates that consumers do not enjoy a beverage that tastes like blood and balsamic vinegar. This would not be an issue had not Whynatte’s newest employee, Fallon, consumed a Whynatte the other night that actually tasted like a mixture of blood and balsamic vinegar.

When I walked into the kitchen, I saw Orion hunched over the counter, working his espresso machine like a landscaper working on a broken lawn mower. Steam was shooting all over the place, girls were screaming, and the place basically looked like the scene of a cougar attack. I knew in my heart of hearts that the resulting Whynatte was going to be questionable, as best:

But Fallon was a good sport, and took down her first Whynatte without hesitation. She said it tasted awful, but that may have been the fact that what was passed off as a latte was nothing more than espresso grind mixed with warm water, lukewarm goat’s milk, and a healthy dash of barley: